Thoughts on my Zen practice
This is an unusual post for me. I usually rely on photography and short sentences, but today I want to write about something a little deeper - my relationship with Zen.
I practice alone.
From time to time, when I watch something Buddhism related on youtube, I get the thought that it might be interesting to sign up for a sesshin - a retreat, group meditation - in the local Zen Soto community.
So I visit their website, read a little, look at the photos, and... something pushes me away.
I can't shake this "culty" feeling.
Uniforms, ceremonies, chanting.
As strange as it sounds, I become skeptical.
My relationship with what we could call “formal” Zen (zazen, kinhin) is very intimate.
Oddly enough, I consider myself a lay Zen practitioner, but I’m not religious. I value simplicity. My rituals are minimal and to the point: light an incense, bow, sit.
Solo meditation, focus on the present moment, quiet everyday practice - work, chores, life itself.
Wabi-sabi.
No showing off.
Just practice.
My individuality, my aesthetic sense and temperament naturally create what could be called a “hermit style” of Zen. That doesn’t mean I think group practice is wrong or bad. It’s simply that learning and experiencing Zen on my own brings me joy.
I even do sesshins alone. When the day feels right, I spend most of it in formal practice. It becomes a kind of retreat - not to escape, but to recharge, to refuel, to maintain.
Zen is life.
And all doubts, including doubts about my own relationship with Zen, are part of the practice.
Doubting whether I do things "right" is okay.
Everything is just as it should be.